Cleaning the House Before the Kids Come Home

It is the Christmas season and (some of) the kids are coming home for various amounts of time, some for a few hours, some for a few days. I find myself wondering why it's so important to me that the house is relatively clean, the beds have fresh sheets on them, and the refrigerators are well-stocked with their favorite drinks and foodstuffs. These are my children, after all, not long-lost family members who I want to impress, not old friends that may scrutinize my skills as a homemaker. These are my children, the ones who used to make all the messes, the ones who are now full-grown with their own homes and apartments. They've seen their childhood home in a state of disarray many, many times---it's not as if they would find it disturbing or unusual. Why do I care so much? For some reason, this is a question that I feel I need to analyze.

Is it because I want them to see that, while I HAVE aged in their absence, I haven't lost my standards, and that I'm still ABLE to take care of our place and that I still WANT to take care of our place? (They don't have to worry about their mama.......yet). Or is it my way of ensuring to them that, as they deal with the daily grinds of the real world, there is a certain constancy that they can depend on, that they can derive security from, that this house is still a 'safe haven', that nothing much has really changed, that they can still find comfort in 'home sweet home'? Or maybe I want them to FEEL like guests, sending them the subliminal message that they are here very temporarily, and 'don't you forget it!" (their father and I do not believe in the boomerang concept---boomer children coming back home to live----what a ghastly thought!). Or maybe the subconscious message to them is, "You walked in this door and things were neat and tidy, so make sure it still looks like this on your way out!"


As I bustle around, mulling it all over in my mind, I find that all of the above is probably true......but that, really, I vacuum the rugs, carefully put up the Christmas decorations, wash the sheets, shop for groceries at three different places, fluff the pillows, wipe down the bathroom counters, peek into each room for a final inspection----I do all that because this is an EVENT, a CELEBRATION----the family is coming together, and for at least a few hours or a few days, I can revel in the joy that I feel as I watch them and interact with them (and their own children),......this is an event, no this is THE EVENT....The Kids are Coming Home.

The End of the Year

2008

I can't really remember how this year began, except that we knew it was the year that our second grandchild would be born. Carson Salvatore is now 6 months old and his personality and presence in the family, and in my heart, is strong and solid. One of each---Clara and Carson---I couldn't feel more blessed or happier. This kind of love is different from any I have ever known....a wondrous thing, and that's about all the words I can find to describe it.

We also added some acreage to 'The Farm' up north.....some of which we have yet to traverse due to its wild and primitive nature. This place has truly become our sanctuary, our place to dream, work, rest, reflect, explore, and wonder at. We have learned to respect its unexpectedness-----the sudden presence of a bald eagle, or little black bear cubs.....or the drumming and thrumming of a protective grouse.....the Lady's Slipper peeking out underneath the fern fronds.....the beehive that comes alive as I rake and clear five years' worth of oak leaves under a spruce tree......the young doe who prances along beside me as I quietly and slowly steer the ATV along the two-track. It never ends, the startling and happy surprises up there, and we have come to thrive on them......

I took a Watercolor class this year and simultaneously began learning to sketch. I LOVE this and sometimes my hands actually feel like they're itching to pull out my #6B sketch pencil or my tackle box full of watercolor tools and put something down on paper. I can get giddy just thinking about it. I hope to take another class in Spring 2009.

Speaking of which, what do I hope and pray for this coming year, 2009? On a 'global' scale, I am looking forward to our new President, Barack Obama, and for the positive energy that I feel he can inject into this scared, sad country. Personally, I hope to continue my own spiritual journey that has come to bring me more peace of mind, less fear and anxiety, as I watch my children grow into and struggle with adulthood. I have spent some difficult years feeling my way into new territory as a mom---as someone told me, being the parent of adult children is probably the most difficult job there is as a parent. For me, it's been a perilous journey of learning to let them go.........Letting Them Go......while still being a part of each other's lives----that is hard.

They are on their journeys, and I am on mine.........